Okay, so it seems that I've had really shitty room mates. Not all of them, but one of them is always a moron in some way... every single year since I've been in college. Let me summarize my past before I get on with my new room mate:

Freshman year: My room mate was an antisocial, depressed World of Warcraft addict who would stay up until 4 am playing the game and talking on vent. I shared a room with him and confronted him many times. One night he freaked out and walked around the campus at around 2 am. A cop shows up at my door asking me if I'm his room mate, to which I reply "yes." He tells me that my room mate was found hiding from police in a bush because he apparently pissed on someone's car in the parking lot. He barely said a word to anyone, but he would randomly do that. He quit school and his parents, stunned, checked him into a clinic.

Sophomore year: I have a room mate that had EXTREME anger issues, and another room mate who dealt drugs and would shoot up in his room. The angry guy had a fight with the druggie and threw him into a wall in the living room and left a body-sized hole that he had to patch. One night I went to a friend's house because the druggie was smoking ice or some shit in his room (to which he would say "mind your business, Phildo" when I would asked him to stop. The cops patrolled the hallway with a drug dog and arrested my room mate when they got the alert and my room mate answered the door. His parents checked him into rehab.

Junior year: My first semester room mate was a 26 year old senior who was taking freshman level classes he didn't do earlier. He would often come home drunk, bring some ugly ass girl home, and proceed to bang them and then would puke in my toilet. One night he was plastered and turned on the stove because he wanted tacos. He put a tortilla on the burner directly to "warm it up" and it caught on fire, made the smoke detector go off, and as the cops (who automatically get alerted) came rushing up the stairs, I ran into the living room to see him standing in his underwear in his room scooping eggs out of a frying pan into his mouth saying in drunken babble, "NAH'sgoood man I open'd window already." He failed his freshman english class, didn't graduate, and his parents cut him off for school funds after that so he just.. left randomly. All his clothes were in a pile outside his door when I got back from break.

My other room mate was a guy that grew pot in his room, his bathroom, and wanted to get me to make his booze runs for him. He bought a ferret randomly and killed it within a week by feeding it valium. As a cover up story he told me he gave the ferret up when he realized he couldn't keep it, which I sadly found out was a lie months after the ferret was already dead. He had a fight with his girlfriend one night and slapped the shit out of her and broke her jaw. I called the cops and he got arrested and she pressed charges.

This brings me to my current room mate. I moved in two nights ago, and for the first time I thought I had an awesome combination of room mates, mainly because I knew all of them and they were my friends. The night before I was moving in, one called me telling me he can't afford the rent so he backed out. The apartment filled the spot with a new student from Saudi Arabia, which is cool, since my best friend is from Saudi Arabia so I thought we'd get along easily. I met him and he came off real nice, and helped me carry stuff into the apartment. Then shit got weird.

I left my room to go to my car and grab my glasses that I left in there, a trip taking about 2 minutes. I come back into my room to find this guy going through my clothes in my drawer. I saw him and awkwardly asked, "uhhh.. are you.. looking for something?" He said, "SOOOO nice to have you as my ROOMIE!" He smiled at me and jogged back into his room. Okay... weird. That night he calls me at 4 am telling me to unlock the front door, which I did. He probably forgot his keys. The next day, yesterday, I wake up, leave my room and go to the kitchen and grab something to eat. I take it back to my room and find the guy taking a shit in MY toilet with the door flung open playing Nintendo DS. What the hell? He has his own bathroom. I yelled, "Don't come into my room and just start using my stuff. And if for some reason you have to, at least close the damn door. Jesus!" That night, he calls me at 4 am asking me to unlock the front door, which I do, and tell him to remember his keys.

Tonight, I get a call around 1 am telling me to unlock the door for him. I say "last time I'm doing this. Bring your keys." I let him in. Then he gets on Facebook and starts talking to me in the chat feature.

Ahmad
heey

DUDE !!!!! pppppppplzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Philip
?

Ahman
DONT LOCK THE DOOR !!!!! i cant get in !!! ..... u need to remember !! lol :P

Philip
What the hell? You have keys.

I'm not going to stand by for you each night letting you in because you forget your keys

Sorry, but this isn't going to fly when I'm going to sleep early when school starts Thursday

Ahmad
yah !! but U need to help your roomie !!!!

Philip
Just remember your keys. I'm not leaving the door unlocked at night.

About 30 minutes ago I left my room to get a drink in the kitchen. He's standing butt naked in his room with the door wide open... trimming infront of his tall mirror. I yell, "CLOSE THE DOOR AHMAD. FUCK."

I write this. What the hell is with this? Am I doing something wrong to get this shit or something? Every year it looks as though it will be awesome, but either my friend drops out of the room, or the complex/dorm I live in refuses to let me change rooms. Pot luck sucks. Except my freshman year, I originally have had friends lined up to live with but it hasn't worked out. One bedroom apartments for now on after I graduate.

Rofl. Its only funny because I can sympathize with you a little, as was posted in this thread i created months ago. I got lucky and later only either had single room on campus living, or for a couple years had a great combination of roommates that had been put together from my friends I met on campus.

Damn Bike you have had some shitty roomates! My worst was this pothead conspiracy theorist kid who became convinced that there was a Jewish-Reptilian-Capitalist conspiracy to oppress him. He started off nice enough, we were good friends even but then he slowly went more and more insane and started thinking violent revolution was a good idea. Eventually he became convinced that me and another roomate were part of the conspiracy. Then one night arguing with his girlfriend (who also lived with us) he apparently held her down and flicked her eyeball with his finger. So that was kind of the final straw for me. Soon after we all moved out, I was friends with his girlfriend and so I wrote her a letter saying hey this dude used to be one of my closest friends but he's stoned out of his mind, totally crazy, literally wants to kill people and blow shit up, and he treats you like shit. She of course gave him a copy of what I wrote and never talked to me again. I spent the next several months getting threatened by him and his various sketchy friends. They broke up about a year later, I have no idea under what circumstances but I have little doubt that his violence towards her escalated.
Last I heard a few years ago he got involved in credit card fraud and drug dealing and wound up owing serious debts to some gangster and then left for China where he renounced his US citizenship.

Now I have awesome roomates, Whut's totally cool and does crazy awesome stuff to the house (we have lasers!), Sirus is hardly around except to sleep, fuck, or sit silently at his computer all day, and Sirlordpoop works a weird schedule so about the only times I see him are drunken late nights on the weekend. The biggest problem is people cleaning up after themselves, especially in the kitchen. But seriously, for four guys living together we do pretty decently most of the time. Before moving in I lived by myself for the previous 2 years and with my now ex for about 6 years before that, I couldn't imagine a more awesome bunch of roomates.


Re: Ahmad, did he grow up in Saudi Arabia? It may just be a really weird cultural misunderstanding, or maybe he's a fucking nutjob. Does your room have a lock? If not you may want to get one.

It could be his family has dumped him in college because he is nuts. It's surprisingly common with wealthy people, at least from what I've seen. I was actually semi-stalked by one of them once, it was really sad because he was a nice kid, he got kicked off campus for stalking and harassing several other people. I knew another one from some crazy rich family in Nepal, he wasn't totally nuts but clearly wasn't exactly sane either. Then there was the one who would follow girls around everywhere mumbling fucked up shit and staring at them (so fucking creepy!), his parents were actually doctors of some kind, I heard they bought him an apartment when he got kicked off campus for sexual harassment or assault or something. The worst was this kid from some African country, he would often walk around in expensive suits begging for cigarettes, if you gave him one he would engage you in nonsensical conversation. Pretty sure he also got kicked off campus for sexual assault. He used to go to parties and try to smoke everyone's weed, sexually harass the girls, and more than once took his clothes off for no apparent reason.

Dear Achmed:

Last week I caught you in my room, my personal space, going through my clothing drawer.

After that, you called me at 4 a.m. to ask me to let you into the apartment because you did not have your keys.

The day after that you came into my bathroom in my personal space and proceeded to defecate in my toilet. You had the door open for all to see.

You then called me again at 4 a.m. the following morning for me to let you into the apartment because you did not have your keys.

The following night you called me at 1 a.m. because you did not have your keys, yet again.

Recently you had your bedroom door open while you were trimming your pubes in front of your mirror.

Please adhere to the following:

1. Do not rummage through my personal items. My property is not yours and you are not welcome to touch it. Do not take my personal items. That is a crime in this country.

2. Do not come into my personal space. You rented your room, which is your personal space, and the common areas which include every room except for my bedroom and my bathroom, and the bedrooms of the other roommates. You are not welcome to come into my personal space.

3. Please take your house keys with you when you leave the apartment so you can let yourself in. We are not leaving the door unlocked. It is not safe to leave the door unlocked and it is discourteous to your roommates to not take your keys with you.

4. Do not call me anymore to let you in. I have a rigid sleeping schedule which is interrupted every time you call to have me let you into the apartment at 4 a.m. You are disturbing my quiet enjoyment of my dwelling.

5. Please keep your door closed if you are going to walk around naked in your room. The rest of us do not want to see that and it is culturally unacceptable behavior to exhibit yourself to others. In fact, it is a crime if you do it for sexual gratification purposes.

I hope you can follow these simple requests. I find it strange that we have to make the request as they are expected common courtesies among roommates.

I know you may have a different cultural perception of your behavior, so there are no hard feelings so long as you follow our requests. I can't imagine that you are doing it on purpose, but if you are, you need to stop.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. I'm sure the time we will spend living together will be more positive after you change your behavior. If this is not possible, perhaps we need to revisit whether this living arrangement is right for all of us.

Cordially,

-The Dude Who Does Not Need to See Your Pubes.

I own this house here, it's a relatively small 2-story building on the outskirts of Vancouver. My roomie is basically a renter: he helps with the mortgage and bills, but I call him roomie because we share the whole house and he's awesome. He's basically my best friend.


The big thing is finding someone who can cook. No joke. I can't cook anything apart from eggs and small stuff (like that sourdough crumb popcorn I posted a while back). My roomie is a natural at meat-roasting, flavor finding, everything. He's damn good.

I could go on about things to look for in a good roommate, but I'm tired and I'm on my way to work in a few minutes.

LOL!

Keep a copy and note the date you posted that on his door.

A printout of that pic showing it was taped onto door good to keep with date you took it also.