There are few vices in life that are as pleasurable as licking Whut's salty scrotum. For those of us who have not partaken, coffee is a good substitute, so I hear.

I don't have a coffee maker. It's cheaper in time to hit the local Burger King drive-thru in the morning. I would do Jack in the Crack, but it's not as convenient.

I like having an iced coffee every now and then when the weather is hot.

Really, if I have the option and the time, I love Coffee Bean's iced coffee. It's ice and coffee served within 20 seconds from ordering, with absolutely no attitude from the barristas. And it's good. Zero calories. I add 20 calories with some cream and 15 calories with a packet of sugar, but sometimes I don't even add that.

After a certain hour in our two-cow town, all the coffee shops close down. You are left with the options of Carrow's, Denny's, Jack in the Crack and McDonald's. You could get gas station coffee, but that's hit or miss.

I stay away from McDonald's because their iced coffee comes pre-mixed. There's a McDonald's which made one for me that was just "black" with a little bit of cream. It was the middle of the day and I was right there. I added a packet of sugar myself.

If you get the regular iced coffee from McDonald's, it's 280 calories for the large. They pour some kind of pre-mixed, pre-sugared liquid over ice.

Tonight I went to that same McDonald's and asked the kid behind the counter if he could make an iced coffee just "black" not with the premix. He said, "Uh, then it wouldn't be an iced coffee."

Jeez. Dude, just pour coffee over ice. He looked pretty new and had to ask if they were allowed to do that. He said they could - it appeared to me that the entire crew had more of a discussion about it than necessary.

After a while he filled a couple of orders and then went over to the drive-thru window area and came back with this:



Hmm. Maybe he added some cream, okay, that's fine. So I asked him if it had sugar. He responded that it did. I reminded him that I wanted it "black" without the pre-mix.

"But then it wouldn't be an iced coffee," he said defensively.

Jeez. I explained that the mix had too much sugar and would he please just get me black coffee over ice like he said was available. He said he would, but he had a line and could I wait a moment.

His definition of "a moment" and mine seemed to be incongruent. I had things to do.

"Screw-it dude. Just give me the damn thing," I said testily.

"Uh, k. Have a good one," he said unbothered by my snatching the cup from the counter.

Now, I'm not one to disparage anyone for trying to earn a living. I have worked a good chunk of my adult life paid by organizations who serve low-income or indigent clients. I am glad to see kids working in this tough economy.

However, how fucking hard is it to pour coffee over ice? Hello? I asked him if he could make an iced coffee without the pre-mix and he said he could. Based on that representation, I purchased said item from this establishment expecting to get the benefit of my bargain - coffee, over ice. No sugar. No cream. No pre-mix. Zero calories instead of close to 300.

I don't give a flying fair Ofelia if it is technically not a "McDonald's Iced Coffee" - charge me for one, but give me coffee, over ice, like I asked.

The problem with him is he did not listen to me. He heard what I had to say, agreed he could comply with my request after consultation, then just did what he was programed to do. He had to hit a button on the cash register and could not wrap his mind around that simple request. What if I had been a diabetic? Well, I'm certain he would have offered me the sugar-free version, because there's a damn button for that on the register.

I know. I should have just asked for coffee. Check.There's a button for that. -And then walked over to the damn ice machine and made it myself. I'm such an idiot to think I could have my way. Where did I think I was at, Burger King?

-I've worked in a restaurant before. It wasn't mine, but I was an employee and I knew if the customer requested something and couldn't get it, he had the option to go somewhere else. If the request was simple and made the experience one he would likely repeat, I would make sure to make that customer a repeat customer.

This kid at McDonald's is not invested in the job. Why, because as a nation, we pay employees shit. Oh, don't get me wrong, in China they pay people shit, but they have a different work ethic. They work. This guy was more interested that his appearance was just right so that the hot ladies coming into the restaurant would dig on him - it's located near a local high school. The amount they pay him isn't enough to get him to think independently. He's just clocking time. Or whatever. -If I were that guy's manager, I would have moved him off of the front line and placed him in the drive-thru station.

Tell me, because I'm asking again. If the day crew could manage to make a black iced coffee without the pre-mix, how hard was it for this automaton to do what I asked him to do?

Or am I just a dick about coffee?

Maybe Whut's salty scrotum isn't that bad after all.

Cantrip I thought we live in different states but it sounds like we had the same person helping us at a Micky D's.

My story begins a little after 1:30 last night, we pull into the drive through wanting a coffee and a hot tea. we place our order and pull around, the nice lady hands me the coffee and as the window is closing I hear her ask her manager "How do you make a hot tea?"

Is it really that hard? Are McD's employees so use to punching buttons and following scripts that they can't figure out how to put a tea bag into some hot water?

Solution:
http://blogs.starbucks.c...ur-starbucks-stores.aspx