. . . Well, not what you're thinking.  Yes I'm sick, I'm a sick-frakker, but the reason for this post is I am currently nursing a cold as well.

It's one of those colds that starts in one of your sinus cavities, for me it was my right sinus cavity - yellow snot, just a little.  Then a sore throat, then both sinus cavities went off like faucets.  Holy crap, I didn't think the human skull held that much volume judging by what came out of my nose.

My thoughts on the subject are as follows.

Forget the tissue box.  I went through one in like an hour, or at least what was left of one of the tissue boxes.  Tissue boxes cost way more than this:



Regular toilet paper.  It lasts longer and believe me, you need a long-lasting supply of this stuff when your nose is the newest running faucet in the house.

Also, you'll want one of these handy:



A paper grocery bag.  I got tired of trying to make the spent snot toilet paper wads into the waste basket in my room.  Instead, I just fling the wads in the general direction of the wastebasket, then collect them all when they're dried out a bit and place them in the grocery bag.  I then empty the grocery bag into the garbage can outside.  I've emptied it twice already over the weekend.

You'll want a giant tumbler (glass, cup, bottle) of water near you at all times.  Drink until you have to pee all the time.  It helps flush out the mucus and with it, any viruses living in you. Repeat, drink tons of water.

Chicken soup, or coffee, or Raman, or anything steamy hot and liquid.  It provides nutrition and the steam opens your sinuses and loosens the mucus.  Spicy soups are the best because they really get mucus loosened.  I have this Indian restaurant nearby and I always order their spicy lentil soup.  When I order it, I always tell the guy to tell the cook to make it really spicy, and I mean spicy.  "Tell him I besmirched his mother's reputation."

"Okay," he says in is best Apu Indian voice as he heads toward the kitchen, "you asked for it, my friend."

Nothing like calling the cook's mom a whore to get really good spicy results.

Then you want drugs.  Good drugs, and not the generic kind from the store either.  Repeat, do not buy the generic versions of the following.

Rubitussin DM, just for cough and congestion:



Rubitussin CF for cough, congestion and sneezing and runny and stuffy nose:



Then NyQuil, the nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, sleep better to feel better medicine:



While I recommend you sleep it off, if you have to go outside and don't want to cough up a lung, take the DM.  If you want to also turn off the nasal waterworks, take the CF.  Gawd it feels good not to have to blow your nose every 30 seconds.  They are both non-drowsy.

At night, no matter what, take the Nyquil before bed.  It will zonk you out and you will actually be able to rest because it will do all of the above, plus kill any pain you have because it has Tylenol and alcohol (10% or 20-proof).  That's why kids drink it, and hence, why we have the NyQuil Bar as one of our forums.  -Somebody had a problem with this stuff I see.

Anyway, that's my advice.  And as a courtesy to others, don't frakking go to class while sick, you'll just infect others.  That's what happened to me;  some chick showed up in class and got a bunch of us sick with the latest bug that is going around. 

Bitch.  I hope someone lunches a really thorny cactus in a catapult a block away and it lands squarely on her vagina as she's waxing it in her back yard and she cries like the little bitch that she is, with a cactus in her hooch.  

-What the hell is wrong with me?  Ah, yes, the NyQuil I took earlier is kicking in . . .

Hope you feel better soon!

Ok, I'll bite.

What is the Brominated Vegetable Oil for in Mountain Dew?

Robatussin has DXM in it though...

Just finished a roll of toilet paper in less than 24 hours blowing my nose.  Seriously, I did not think it was humanly possible to expel that much volume of snot from such a small space.  There's like a wormhole in my skull connected to some alien snot lake in some parallel universe. 

My head hurts. Woke up at around 11 a.m.  I had trouble eating my Jumbo Jack.  Fell asleep during the middle of my lunch meal.

On to my second roll.

A huge key, I learned after a decade of going about it the hard way, is

KEEP YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF YOUR FACE.

I guess the armed forces, or maybe just the Marines, have this enforced upon them as in they get shit on first offense. There're just too many fucking germs on our hands... etc. So now I actively try not to, and although I do still get sick, I get sick FARRR less often.

/me goes to knock on wood.