I'm the last person that should be answering this.

However.

Oatmeal. Eat nothing but oatmeal and chicken. It's not a healthy diet because you're missing important elements, but it'll help you lose weight super fast. Oatmeal fills you up quick and chicken adds the protein.

Lift weights, but instead of doing two sets of xxx, do one set of as many as you can. This builds appearance because of the muscle tearing but doesn't build strength.

Swim.

I recommend weed. I also recommend getting yourself some Levitra. That shit is badass. You can fuck even if you don't want to.