I'm actually quite fond of the missionary position, though I've been utilizing it long before I was of legal age.

This question is bizarre. I can't tell if it's asking me if I approve of missionary, if I approve of people being of legal age before utilizing said position, if they need to be married to do so, or if their sole purpose is to create a miniature shit factory.

I'll tackle all of them.

1. Missionary position as a whole. I'm all for it. It allows for many dynamic "addons" or "mods" as I'm going to call them at this moment. Missionary allows for you to really dig in. Grab hold of her (or in Spaniard's case, his) ass and really just thrash that shit. The women I've been with throughout history tend to like to feel "dominated" as they put it. Missionary is fantastic for that. You're in control. You're like "fuck yeah take this shit!" I've also found that taking my right hand and grasping the right butt cheek, lifting her butt up slightly for more convinient g-spot stimulation, while taking my left hand to the left thigh while placing me left shoulder under her chin to achieve maximum domination working conditions has tramendous success.

The only time this didn't work was my ex girlfriend, who's dad used to strangle her. We had tears one time.

Now, to some this might come as a disturbing confession of my sick depraved sense of sexual view or it might look as if I think women are a piece of meat, similar to pork, that I can stick my dick in for my own gratification. This is not the case (usually).

To me, sex is a very mutual experience. For me to be able to have sex, I need to know what the other person is after also. I need to understand what does it for them, and then, and only then, can I adapt my needs to work with hers. Sometimes this means going slow at first, being gentle. Being passionate, if you will. Once you've spent a good amount of time doing this, I've found you're then given the green light to do what you need to do to please yourself. In my case, it's generally rougher. This allows for both parties to get what they want.

Missionary is my favorite position, surprisingly. That or spooning. Spooning can be fun too.

With that said, I do not approve of missionary sex between a man and a man, because then you're grinding up on some dudes junk and having to look him in the eyes. This concept is a major limp dick solution for me. I can be open minded, but this concept sucks.

If I had to choose between fucking the ugliest chick on the planet, or the hottest tranny, I'd pick the tranny... but I'd make him/her/it face the other way and tuck that shit opposite of me. Remember, it's not gay unless balls are touching. Missionary between a man and a man means balls are touching, and thus you are "Spaniard."

Moving on.

2. Legal age.

I'm a strong believer that legal age is bullshit. As is marriage, but we'll cover this later. I've encountered many mature 16-17 year olds that have more maturity in their pinky than many 45 year olds. I've seen 50 year old women break down over bullshit in relationships that 16 year olds would scoff at. With that said, I'm not an advocate of having sex with children. I'm simply saying that if kids want to have sex with eachother, who am I to stop them? Fuck, I lost my virginity at 15. It was the most awkward and confusing experience of my life... especially for her, as it was her first time as well.

Can you imagine? What the fuck? The night was full of fail. And by night, I meant 4 minutes. It contained all the classics such as "Is it in yet?" "Where's the hole" "Here let me do it!"  "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow stop stop stop ow ow ow ow ow ow ow." And finally "Whoops... I didn't pull out in time."

It also had some crying in the bathroom with the door locked afterwards.

The point is, I was able to learn from this experience. This was the start of my training into a craft I'll spend a lifetime perfecting. It's like a job, and the payment is baby batter explosion. I'm so happy I started before I was "of legal age" because God damnit, everyone else did. I can't imagine being a virgin today and finally having sex with someone. The emotional and psychological trauma of the whole ordeal would be mortifying. In this day and age of superficious standards set fourth by Lil' Kim "Under 7"... errrr... Sorry!" and pop culture as a whole... being a virgin in these volitile waters? I'd rather die.

Women are cruel beasts. They are smarter than us. Period. Some of them choose not to be, but they are truly smarter than we could ever be. I've always considered myself a master of manipulation, but my girlfriend goes toe to toe with me. She get's what she wants. She scares me sometimes.

Anyway, legal age? Fuck that.

3. Marriage.

Fuck marriage in the ass (Spaniard). I mean tear that shit's colon the fuck up. Tear it up like this: http://seattletimes.nwso...2002382718_horse15m.html

Marriage is a joke. This is where I disagree with my co-pilot lady friend. Marriage is often talked about as being a link between a man and a woman. However, in reality it's a ménage à trois between a man, a woman(or another man in some states), and the government.

What the fuck is that noise? You aren't married until the paper work is finalized. Eat shit. Marriage means different things to different people. Here's how I see marriage:

Men (and I mean real men): Marriage is a way to keep an important relationship. You're doing it for the tax breaks and benefits. You're doing it because if you don't she's going to leave you for someone who will marry her.

Men (fake men): Doing it because they dream about spending the rest of their life chained to someone via wedding band.

Women: Marriage is the in thing. It's no longer an old fashioned tradition. Lately it's a status symbol. "Oh guuurl check out that ring? omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg he must be rich." This isn't always the case, but it often times is. Women, right out of high school, have an unspoken competition with their circle of friends on who's going to get married first. It's a race to the finish, and the losers are often the men.

"Sure, honey, I'd love to marry you. And when you've grown tired of me, I'd love to give you my house after the divorce is finalized." Fuck that noise.

And really, let's analyze marriage stats in the US. We're allowed to divorce here. That's one thing I love about America. Get out of jail broke card. Other countries aren't so lucky. Their stats don't count. The divorce rate in the US is astronomical. So, I ask the question then, "why?"

Why get married? Why not just stay together? Live together? You can achieve everything short of tax breaks and some benefits (which, in my opinion, makes you a shallow scum fuck if this is your reason for marriage). Fuck, I'll even have a ceremony and give a ring to my girlfriend... but I won't sign those papers. I won't allow the government any role in my relationship. That's nonsense.

Also, I know what a prenup is. I also know that's an awkward conversation to have with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Someone you "love." "Hey, honey... I love you... but sign this paperwork because I don't trust your cheating ass." Sounds heavenly.

The only time I approve of marriage is if you're in the army. If you join the army, and you are married, you get a nice bonus. It's not anything huge, but it's money... and yes, in that case, I'll be as shallow as I can to get that shit.

Otherwise it's a waste of time. The concept of marriage is a joke anymore. It's an outdated system that binds you to specific guidelines and leaves you little room to move in. Everything is a group decision. You can't decorate that room like that! She doesn't like the color! Your friends can't hang out anymore because it's book club night in your used-to-be-living-room-lounge. Fuck that.

Also, fuck you.

4. Babies.

Stinky, loud, irritating shit factories. What do babies do? They poop on airplanes in their pants. They puke on you. They pee in your mouth when changing them (boys). They keep you up at all hours of the night. They destroy your social life. They cost an unbelieviable amount of money... and when they turn 14-16, they turn their backs on you. They sneak out. They steal your car and money. They get in trouble at school. They get pregnant or contract stds. They fuck on your bed while you're out of town. They make messes, they do drugs, and they talk back to you.

People have babies for two reasons.

Reason 1: Ooops.

Reason 2: God wants babies!



God created the earth. Let's run with that concept for a while. God also created man. Man, unfortunately, turned out to be a virus (Matrix 1 was ultimate win). Man spread like a plague. Man infested earth. Earth is dying.

So God wants more children to speed up this process? I think he put a lot of effort into engineering earth. And here comes a few billion more shit factories to poop and puke all over it. Isn't it glorious?

The fact of the matter is, we have too many people. period. I believe in restrictions placed on people who want kids. There needs to be tests to determine competency. Only people with stable home lives with the means to support each child equally and responsibily should be allowed children. A classmate of mine just had a kid a while back. He's a drug dealer. He works at Wendy's. He now has a court order against him from seeing his kid because he beat his girlfriend too many times in front of the baby. He was too high to remember to go to his court appeal to try and see his kid again.

His kid will become a future drug dealing, wife beating, convict. Yeah, we need more of that shit.

I don't want kids. Perhaps one day my opinion will change, but for now I can't imagine parenting a child when I'm as screwed up as I am.

I've watched my family dissintigrate over my lifetime. I come from a family of 6 kids spread over three marriages. Two of my siblings have mental issues. One is a college frat boy douche bag. One is a flunky who's only prospects are to join the military and "kill some sand niggers." and one won't speak to us.

I've seen my parents divorce when I was 5. I've seen the damage divorce caused (thanks marriage). I've seen the legal struggles. I've seen the custody battles, the child support battles, the lies and manipulation. I've been used as ammunition against both parents.

I've seen both parents remarry. I've watched both of those marriages deteriorate. But at this point in the game, a divorce now on either side would almost promise a lonely death with no one by your side. These people are trapped.

One one case, the marriage is only together because children were involved. Stay together for the kids.

That shit damages more than anything else. Kids aren't stupid. From an early age I was able to step back and identify what was going on around me. I could see the tension. I could feel the hatred. Staying together and pretending the kids don't know is bullshit.

My family legacy dies with me. I know this because none of my five siblings want kids either. We're all on the same page about this. The world has enough problems to deal with and the addition of another puke machine won't help anything.

Also, I don't want to see pictures of your bald mutant newborn. Please keep that shit away from me. Your baby is hideous. There is no such thing as a cute baby. You're just a moron.

Also, turbo lols when the baby comes out the wrong color. That's an awesome delivery room adventure!


In closing:

Missionary good. Legal age bad. Marriage bad. Babies bad.

Missionary good.

Missionary while another girl lies on her stomach so you can switch between missionary and doggy while they make out is ultimate winzilla. Missionary while another girl sits on her face while you fuck her is also ultimate winzilla.

Missionary at a legal age starts as a multiple runs per day thing, but trails off into once per day, and then a few times per week, and so on and so fourth.

Missionary under legal age means sex 9 times a day and that feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Win.

Missionary after marriage = never happens. Marriage = "Sex? I have a headache."

Missionary while screaming baby in the next room wants some of moms milk = blueballs.

Missionary after having a kid means sucking on tits leaves you with a mouth full of failjuice.

Missionary once kid grows up enough to have nightmares or wet the bed = doesn't happen as the kid is now in your bed with you. Also, kid might pee on you again. Missionary can happen but only if you give said child in your bed tons of nyquil... or a modern approach at sex ed... You decide. Either way I want nothing to do with it. Sicko.

Missionary... or sex in general... after having a kid? Fat fucking chance.

The moral of this story? Don't have kids. Don't get married. Fuck all the time. Every chance you get. Young, old. Do it.

You only live once.

Sex in itself is such a binding experience (unless you're an asshole and or twisted fucknut). Sex, to me, is a very passionate experience that can only happen if I feel a real connection with someone. I have to like their personality (usually)... or they have to have one smoking hot body and a car to transport them the fuck out of her once our business is complete... which could happen in missionary position.


I've been with my girlfriend on and off for the last six years. We've had our rough patches, and lord knows she's had her fair share of missionary from a variety of people, but we are at a point now where the sex is steller because we know what we want out of eachother. We both know what eachother brings to the table, and as a result we can make it exciting regardless of what position it is.

So, with that, I approve of missionary for the sole purpose of having a great fucking time.