Crawdad gave me a copy of Silence of the Lambs once when I was mad at him (we were dating at the time). That was unique.

So my uncle and I have this little inside joke. Sometimes we refer to things that are awesome as "butter money". This is because a few years ago we were watching a zags game on tv and one of the moronic commentators who is notorious for saying dumb things exclaimed "that was butter money!" when some guy made a shot. We thought it was really weird so it stuck.

Last year I found some calendar called "nuns having fun" in our schools bookstore. So I got that for my aunt, who is a nun, for christmas. Then I decided I should give really weird gifts that year. I gave my cousin MMMBop (she was 22) another cousin I gave Goldeneye for the N64, which I had borrowed like 10 years earlier, after he implored I could keep it. I just had the cartridge so I put a bow on it. I gave another cousin (who had recently gotten a cheesy tattoo) a coupon for a Seattle tattoo parlor (they all live in Spokane). I got one uncle a pair of elvis shades (he really likes elvis). For my grandma I got her a necklace with my mom. Yeah couldn't really think of anything for her. My uncle got my grandpa a bottle of Grey Goose, so I bought him two cans of concentrated orange juice.

But I think this was my masterpiece. For the uncle from the first paragraph, I came up with something really special. Something really sentimental. In my stoned mind I realized it. I made him butter money. I bought a few sticks of butter and cut out a few shitty coins and a couple bills. I sort of etched some numbers and presidential portraits with a toothpick but they didn't come out too well. I stuffed them in the freezer before they could melt.

On christmas day we go to his house for a dinner party. I showed up with the plate of butter money in hand, a huge jackass grin on my face, and exclaimed "merry christmas!" as I handed him the plate. He looked at it, confused, for a second then immediately busted out laughing. Good times.

Most unique? For my girlfriend, I showed up at her house with a piece of 20 year old meat (found it buried in my freezer) and a meat tenderizer. I told her that the meat stood for our relationship, and the meat tenderizer stood for "...er...something good that I can't figure out on the fly" I started tenderizing the meat.

Then we watched a movie. She thought it was hilarious.

Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.

Got it during college from a guy I was blowing in the Gaslamp district because I needed the money.

Haha. Just kidding. I really didn't need the money.