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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: Registered User, Server Admin
Joined: 1/13/2008
Posts: 1,509
Points: 2,004
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The dark lord has chosen my back porch as the seat of his black throne. This vile thing patrols a territory including all of my property and basically attacks, rapes, or eats whatever my cross his path. This includes humans. He often hides under my car, waiting for me to place objects into the trunk....and then proceeds to let loose a furious attack upon my sandaled feet. Luckily, these have largely failed because I am warned of the impending attack by the demonic hissing and spitting, and the acrid stench of sulfur emminating from his hide. I chase him off and throw rocks at him, but the devil is not deterred! He sits next to my hot-tub just waiting for me to come out...then he hisses and runs off. His presence alone would not bother me so much as the fact that he organizes some god damn Cat - Fight club right outside my bedroom windows several nights a week. Crying and hissing felines that are followed by she-cat rape fests! Clearly the devil. He has several toadies who carry out his muscle work of capturing females in corners around my property, which he mounts with great fervor. I have no doubt that he is planting his vile seed in hopes that he can one day spawn the one who will inherit this earth for a time. So that brings me to needing a solution: 1. I have a cat trap...but the devil is crafty! I have only caught a couple of his toadies (stupid creatures I knew would fall for it first). Subsequent attempts have failed. 2. I have a .45 cal P90 (too loud and messy,but an option nontheless) 3. I borrow cecil-sans H&K .22 cal pistol. (quiet enough to fire in the city without raising suspicion...clean kill) 4. poison (collateral damage?) 5. ???? What should i do? 
Quote:
"Who the fuck is Leon Switch and why does he know we have a dog?" - Mrs. Giller
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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: {pDs} Member
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 1,724
Points: 6
Location: RVA
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Cat trap, then drive it miles away and set it loose on others. Bike wrote:I like to make werewolf movies. 
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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,491
Points: 1,346
Location: Parallel Universe
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 You should be more like Cantrip.  Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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Rank: Coathanger Abortion
Groups: {pDs} Member, Server Admin
Joined: 5/17/2006
Posts: 3,487
Points: 1,990
Location: Undisclosed Location
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Feed it meat and it will do your bidding. I have one possessed by some evil demon, no one expects an apparently normal cat to chase them down like a man eating tiger. It is actually banned from visiting the vet, the last time she went in the vet came millimeters from losing both eyes at the same time. Razor wrote:Killing people is good therapy.  
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Rank: Fuckstick
Groups: {pDs} Member, Registered User
Joined: 4/7/2008
Posts: 1,109
Points: 2,004
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But he's so cute! Seriously, though, if you can get your hands on him, put tape on his pads. Not only is it a hilarious show, he'll probably stop hanging around you since you are so mean to him.  Belligerent Pimp wrote: The Man Society just suspended my man card for a week for getting rickrolled by Mrs. Mary Midwestern Housewife.
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Rank: Polio Power!
Groups: Registered User, Server Admin
Joined: 11/18/2007
Posts: 631
Points: 18
Location: $4n74 cruz, c4
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taser it or pepper spray, it will go away MakeSureItsCharcoalGrilled wrote:
yes. please go fuck yoruself and die.
MakeSureItsCharcoalGrilled wrote:
it's ok. all computer components have clearly dotted lines along which you can cut* to make smaller.
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Rank: You're gonna stick that where?
Groups: {pDs} Member, Registered User, Server Admin
Joined: 11/15/2007
Posts: 474
Points: 447
Location: San Diego
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Buy a bigger cat to chase it away.
I loan you mine but it is busy kicking 3 other cats asses right now.
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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,491
Points: 1,346
Location: Parallel Universe
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Mrs.Crawdad wrote:But he's so cute! Seriously, though, if you can get your hands on him, put tape on his pads. Not only is it a hilarious show, he'll probably stop hanging around you since you are so mean to him. . You should be more like Cantrip. Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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Rank: Administration
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, Server Admin
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 696
Points: 93
Location: Ohio
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Giller [GwDR wrote:]he organizes some god damn Cat - Fight club right outside my bedroom windows several nights a week.
Dude.... we do NOT talk about Cat Fight Club!
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Rank: The Illuminist
Groups: Administration
Joined: 5/8/2006
Posts: 8,410
Points: 2,875
Location: Seattle
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I'm not a big fan of random acts of violence against animals. I do, however, condone slaughtering animals for my burgers. I say call animal control and have them cart it away.
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Rank: Taco Technician
Groups: Registered User, {pDs} Member
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,948
Points: 3,636
Location: Hi-Five City
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I agree. Animal abuse is uncool. You could also just try to capture it yourself and take it far away, make it someone else's problem.
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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: Ogamer, Registered User
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 1,666
Points: 2,478
Location: La Habra, Orange, CA
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Stop being a little bitch and turn it into your own fuzzy little animal. Animal instincts force it to recognize when an alpha force has come to dominate it. Don't be afraid of it next time you run into it when you unload your trunk, just grab it by the collar (the extra skin), pick it up, and stare it in the eyes intently. It also helps to let a mantra run through your head. "I own you. I own you. I own you." After becoming its dominant master, feed it small treats (whiskies wet food, tuna, etc.) and learn to make it want to impress you so you reward it. Profit. Easy shit - Violence ain't always the way. silverwasp wrote:Be careful what you wish for... I have 10 younger siblings and I am only 20....
Yes.... Same parents WarMachine wrote:meh...maybe if he hadn't been handed a burning house he could have done great things, but right now he has won the Prize for what? Damage Control?
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