The hell is the deal with the fascination about my bathroom habits?

Oh well.

I try and avoid talking to other people on the phone in the bathroom. I've found that my phone mic picks up everything in the room and the bathroom isn't large. Also, it tends to echo.

My girlfriend instantly knows when I'm on the toilet when she calls. She calls me out on it. Being that she's the only one who's ever confronted me about it, I don't know how to react to others knowing. I'm sure they do know. There have been times when I've been asked why I was distracted and I flat out tell them I'm taking a massive shit with the consistency of Taco Bell beef. They usually understand though and let me call them back.

If I really have to pee and my boss is talking to me on the phone or something, I try and mute my end so I can pee without him knowing. He tends to get all of his thoughts out at once, which allows me time to drain my tank while absorbing his holy gospel of shit.