The lovin' ain't good unless you break something.

Thank you for the translation! I knew it was French but I didn't know what he said.

I always assumed he was French, Spanish or Italian. That seemed to be the general concensus among the fanatics of the TF2 community.

I can't get over the fact that he banged the Scout's mom....LOL

Also: Valve realizes that they will have to top themselves with Meet the Pyro and Meet the Medic, right??

I think the easiest way to do this is to make a movie. Seriously, I would see it (or buy it if it went directly to DVD).

I think I've seen this vid over 50 times now (literally), and to be completely honest with you, it's more deceptive than it looks. There are so many details and mysterious elements that what I may tell you from my video analysis MAY shock you.

CLUES YOU MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED!

- At the very beginning of this video, you see the Scout touching the intelligence. In reality, he was NEVER the Spy. (More on this later)

- The Blu Spy is carrying the Sniper's body with the knife left by the Red Spy, who gives it to the Scout. When the hell did the Blu Spy find the Sniper's body?

- At 0:38, you can see the "Hunted Umbrella"

- At 0:56, the Scout clusterfucks with the Red Spy's knife. If the Red Spy were pretending to be the Scout, he's a great actor. If not, then this supports my theory that he was never the Spy at all.

- At 0:57, you can see the Heavy's "Football Helmet"

- The Blu Spy has pictures of the Red Spy's "crazy adventures" with the Scout's mom. How did he get those?

- At 1:34, way in the back written in gold lighting, is the term "LOLZ"

- 1:40 - 1:43; a clear use of the magnetic sapper

- At 1:53, there's a box with the Razorback inside (as seen from the logo)

- At 1:56, you can see that the Sniper is sporting a new hat

- A hair past 1:50, there's a dark figure on the far left (said to look like samurai jack, silhouette wise)

- At 1:51, we can clearly see "Jarate" on the crates

- At 1:59, you can obviously see the Red Spy's knife left in the Sniper. (we're getting close to why this is so important)

- (This one is strange) At 2:05, the Medic is MISSING his backpack! WTF?!

- At 2:16, the Red Spy is seen disguised as the Medic WITH the backpack. Something is amiss here...

- (This is the fun part) From 2:24, start counting until you reach 8 seconds. Stop the video, and you will see that the shot has changed to the feet of the Soldier and Heavy. This is the same amount of time needed to cloak and uncloak with the Dead Ringer. Coincidence? I think not...

- Remember the knife given to the Scout and how the Scout touched the Intel? Well technically, he was never the Red Spy. In fact, the Blu Spy was, and used the Dead Ringer to feign his death when the Soldier shot him. The shotgun isn't capable of killing a Spy with a single shot without the use of crits. Dead Ringer works upon impact.

- From 2:31 and up, the Red Spy takes the time to kill the Scout and take the knife (his knife).

- At 2:39, the Scout (Spy) is seen INBETWEEN the Soldier and the Heavy. However, the Scout (the real one) was originally positioned on the far left side, away from view. There are no camera angles that clearly show the dead body of the Scout, which makes everyone believe even more so that the Scout was the Spy the whole time.

- At 3:03, we get a clear shot of the Scout's mom. She is holding a handbag. Now think about this for a second: Why in the world would the Red Spy pick up the most uninteresting picture of his woman, when there were 5 naked shots of her, with better shots of her face?! If you can tell me why this picture was frickin' picked over all the other ones, I will give you a damn cookie! Scout's mom ~= Pyro, people!

- The Pyro was never shown in this video. In fact, on the Team Fortress blog, they mention how "heartbroken" the Pyro will be relating to the update. Why is this so, Valve? Why is this so...........


The Bare Facts -- no pun intended

- We'll be seeing head based equipment very soon

- The Spy really will be more badass and deceptive then ever before

- We may be able to add or remove existing gear on classes (the Medic?)

- The Pyro is obviously being teased and depicted as a lover. Either the woman we've just seen is the Pyro (though her posture is somewhat wrong), or she's in someway related to this huge Pyro madness. In any case, the joke goes much deeper then just a "yo momma" joke.

- This video was "leaked" by a certain "GoldenMachineGun" (reference to 007 maybe?; PPK, the Golden Gun, the Golden Natasha) on Youtube who just happens to only have two videos: This one and another with a rickroll jingle showing a modded map. He says he was the one who uploaded the video, so it's heads or tails rather or not this was one big hype train made by Valve. But it makes sense in a way; "A Spy stole the intelligence from Valve", therefore exploding the internet. Seriously, this game has been out for a year +, yet we're pumped up like it's Christmas. Viral marketing at it's best...

So what's the moral to all this? Trust the damn Soldier. I don't care if he's mic spamming "Spy" all day. Trust him, or otherwise, you may not live long enough to find out that a Spy is baggin' YOUR mom! >=|

That's why the trailer was so unusual. There were obvious inconsistencies and intentional props (Valve isn't lazy as proven by what we have just witnessed). I'm also concerned about the "Meet the Medic" one. I can understand why the "Meet the Spy" trailer was delayed for so long (Epic much?), but the Medic isn't all that shocking when you compare it to the allusive "Meet the Pyro" trailer that is desperately needed to put the pieces together. There has to be a connection.

Dammit, this has turned into a circle of conspiracies...

I can't vouch for the demoman since there's no evidence to support his death and I also took into the consideration of the inconsistent nature of the "meet the" videos in general. That's why my first impressions were "Oh, I guess they're letting the Scout touch the intelligence even if he's a Spy", but he never was the Spy if all my findings are correct.

The Scout that tried to open the door with the sandman WAS NOT the Spy, which makes more sense when you connect each scene together.

One inconsistency which sort of destroys every curve ball I can throw at you with my theories is that the Scout -- saying he was the Spy the whole time, that is -- maintained the same blood splatter after the Spy was shot in the head. Intentional props or not, that much is off, so is the missing medic pack on the Red Spy when the camera shifts between shots (one minute he lacks one like the Medic, the next he has one). =P

This video was great and made me grin and go wtf at the same time.

But I do think people are analyzing this video too much (e.g. thinking anything about the pyro/scout mom, I mean wtf, why are so many people obsessed with the pyro gender question). Valve puts detail into videos but nothing so vague or crazy as all the things people keep trying to implicate.

Anyways, I am sad for the scout. :(

See, I heard "Ma petite chou fleur" which is "My little cabbage flower."

It's also a french phrase that I have heard in the past.

Oh, and the video cracked my schizz up.