When people bring in their computers for me to work on, I copy their files and post the nude pics they took of themselves on 4chan.

Whats yours?

This will be my favorite quote of all time.

As much as I'm sure this is a joke, people who even think about violating other people's privacy in that sort of manner deserve nothing less than to get the shit kicked out of them repeatedly. So if any part of this is serious, I hope you go to jail.






When people come in to my work, I help them and do my job.



P.S. Quoting yourself being funny in your own sig is also lame as shit.

I could get at least 5 times as much done in a day if I didn't fuck around.
I didn't used to fuck around at work until I realized I was doing several times as much work as everyone else and that the more I got done the more that got assigned to me. It was just wearing me out, especially because I got paid less than everyone else. Also, my boss has a terrible temper, the less I work the less I have to deal with her irrationality and anger. It's kind of ironic but my supervisor is nicer to me the less I actually work. Too bad I like getting shit done.
I still regularly get more done in a week than my coworkers usually do. I can't believe how fucking inefficient and slow they all are. About twice a month I have to spend at least half a day cleaning up the chaos created by the guy who replaced me in my last position. He is 25 years older than me. Telling an old man how to do his job over and over again for months on end is depressing. I've tried not doing it to prove a point to my boss, she got mad at me. I don't really care anymore though, I've accepted that work is absurd and so I try to find humor in it now as much as I can.

On the subject of privacy, I have total access to everything. I can read anyone's email, I can get at anyone's data, besides some stuff on a rogue network some scientists run I don't think there is any system here I can't get at. Some of it would take a bit more effort than others but the bulk of it would be very easy. I could very likely give myself a raise in the payroll system even. I've never once abused my power in any way. If one of my minions or coworkers was going through personal data they would be lucky if they only lost their job. Sorry 4chan.

This is delightful. Though you may end up in a prison or a ditch, I applaud your mischief, being a fan of hilarity myself.

I work in a movie theater. Some of these will probably make people mad.

-There's a staircase in the atrium that kids like to climb on. So a co-worker and I slather the edges in butter and watch them fall down. Sometimes they lick the stairs to collect the buttery sap.

-I eat all the candy and pretzels.

-I want to bang most/all of my female co-workers. There are many.

-I get blazed on the back stairs while on shift. And then I sell tickets.

-I put "prizes" in my co-worker's pockets on the coatrack. Like when a local chinese restaurant got sacked, I put vinyl gloves, soy sauce, and a menu in a ziploc bag and stuffed it in a co-worker's jacket. It was much funnier than it sounds.

-I grab the leftover popcorn after work and dump it in the Audi TT convertible that still hasn't learned to park with the hood up.

-I make fake movie synopses and spread them around the island. Like this one...


There's more. I just gotta think of them.

This is what happens when you work in a job where roughly 1/2 of your time is spent waiting for movies to happen. I am a victim of circumstances.

man there are a lot of high horses in this thread

I have considered the advantages and disadvantages of fucking with the Audi TT.

Cowardly? Yes. So are prank calls.

Seeing him the next day with popcorn dust all over his Eddie Bauer sweater-vest and Dockers slacks? Worth it. So are prank calls.


Bearing in mind the guy is a ginormous vagina every time that he comes to see a movie, including out-right beration of myself and co-workers on things that stress him to the point of incontinence ( no freshly-popped popcorn ).

If he was nice, I'd feel bad about doing it. But then I'd just put it on some other sap's property.

I mean it's 2 full trash bags of stuff. I can't just leave it there.

Although I suppose you're right. I could just dump it on his lawn and make crows poop on his house. Thanks for the idea.

Perhaps I gave the wrong impression, I do not do this for every customer, 98% of the time, I do my job with no more intrusion in the personal file of the customer than is needed for rectify the problem, usually viruses. But there are those oh so special, oh so knowledgeable, oh so dick faced customers, that any of you in the customer service industry know all to well, that earn my ire. Like the guy today who had fucked over his computer with no AV and limewire sandwich. I told him the hourly rate, quoted him 2 hours of labor, called him the next day where he approved $49 for AV. When I called to tell him the computer was done and give him the final price ($245 and change) he flipped out:

Me: the total comes to $245.17, since you don't have an account you will need to pay when you pick it up. We take most credit cards and cash
DickFace: how much!?
Me: $245
DF: I think I deserved a phone call to tell me that it was going to be that much
Me: I'm sorry sir, but you approved 2 hours and the AV
DF: you are cheating me!
Me: No sir, if you would allow me to...
DF: You are a crook! I'll have you arrested! It only takes 15 minutes to remove viruses! I'VE DONE IT! I KNOW COMPUTERS!
Me: Sir, you had a nasty infection
DF: Your a liar! I'm not going to pay, I told my wife it was only going to $100. You want me to tell her its going to be more?
ME: Sir, it took 2 hours, I'll show you the work log and...
DF: Shutup!
(my awesome boss came to my rescue at this point)
Me: let me have you talk to the owner

Anyways he shared this computer (with only one user) with his wife and kids, and in "My Docs" he had a folder called "Old Spread Sheets" in which he kept his horse porn. I simply renamed it to "Horse Porn" and set the default view to use folder previews and unrelated, took of early before he got there. Besides, would leaves that on there when giving it to someone else? Its karma, and sadly we get one of these people 2-4 times a month/


Basically my point