I second that!

The new weapon name is out sorta... <.<

It's called "Force-a-Nature"
It knocks back people. Now you can kill your opponent by shooting them into the air and watch them fall to his/her death.

Check the achievements again!

The way I'm reading the Egypt description, it looks like the new scattergun will give the ability to rocket jump.

No, please look at the achievement description. The new scatter gun is called "Force-a-Nature" (Caught Napping: Kill 50 enemies from behind with the Force-A-Nature). This new gun can knock back you and your opponent (Fall Classic: Cause an environmental death or suicide using the Force-A-Nature's knockback). In the end, the gun can shoot a powerful blast.

Also, check the background on that page. Notice there's a red cart and 2 tracks with a red and blue line. New game mode maybe? Cart racing?

Opposite directions means opposite spawn bases meaning they can defend the goal line easier since its so close to spawn AND more spawn campage. Tug of War should be only one cart.

Egypt's a cool map, played it before. Dustbowl style but much more vertical fighting. I think it's a good choice.

This is almost as bad as the 9/11 conspiracies ("Look!  No debris!")!  Or more appropriately, the conspiracy theories that popped up when Nintendo first announced that the "Revolution" would be called the "Wii."  People bitched and moaned that there was no way Nintendo would call it that, and that it was all part of some big plan to get people's attention and reveal the "real" name.

• "1) The sandman would be pretty hard to hit using the baseball"
• Valve just tweaked extremely fine points about the Demoman's stickies and critical hits.  I have fair confidence they can balance the animation time of a baseball swing.  The game is cartoony anyway, he may just do an extremely fast toss and swing animation.
   
• "2) Look at the pictures of the baseball and the bat." "3) The can is even more weird."
• The Sandvich and flaregun were pretty weird too.  Hell, they even made a "Meet the Sandvich" video!  In about a week, whatever look and style they choose to put to the sandman and bonk can will be just another part of the visual style.
   
  
• "4) Regardless of how awesome a double payload map would seem (in the background), valve would not be so careless as to put a picture of it in the background and destroy further surprises tomorrow/next week."
• Oh yeah?  Heck, I didn't even really pay attention to that particular background till it was pointed out just now, but they've shown themselves more than willing to drop hints like that.  Create an entirely fictitious update to lead their entire fanbase down the garden path? I don't think so.
   
• "5) The released weapons are pretty much copy/paste from user suggestions on the steam forums."
• No evidence of this given.  Even if it was, a) there are limited things they can do in a balanced way, and players have been able to suggest various things for months, and b) they're not done announcing yet!
   
  
• "6) People have stated on the forums that the community maps chosen to be added aren't very good or balanced. Egypt does not seem to fit the games theme."
• I'm sure those community map makers would be upset to hear that Valve is just using their hard work as a big joke ("Haha, obviously we wouldn't include those maps!").  Oh wait, wait, lemme guess.  They're in on it too!!
   
• "7) Its missing the ® in the Team Fortress 2 logo."  "8) The pictures and format of the scout update page seems to be being made in a hurry and are of very low quality"  "9) Look at the right hand of the scout holding The Sandman"
  
• New art or PR guy, maybe?  Budget priorities at Valve are someplace besides the micromanaged release of a free update to a game released a year and a half ago?  Or maybe they're actually spending far more on this update, because all of this is fake!  Right......

Conspiracy theories are crap, this is the scout update.

Conspiracy theories crop up when you have two things:

1. Dislike of the thing you're seeing.  In 9/11's case, it was George Bush.  With the Wii, it was the name.
2. An inability to corner the entity (usually the government or company) and get them to address all your wacky theories.

In this case, the guy obviously has problems with the new scout additions and maps.  And with the update coming next week, you're not going to get Gabe Newell on the phone to address why the TF2 logo doesn't have a registered trademark symbol.

Just like the Wii, however, the truth will come out next week, so unlike 9/11 the conspiracy will die.  Mark my words though, shoddy PR art ≠ fake update.