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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,491
Points: 1,346
Location: Parallel Universe
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So I’m surfing the net for vids to torment you all while watching TV. Out of the corner of my eye I sense movement about 15 feet away. I look quickly but see nothing. Then five minutes later it happens again and I see a little brown mouse. The roomies have a snake so I thought those bastards let dinner get loose. Oh no, they left the door open over the weekend and this one must have got in. And they didn’t think to tell me. Fucktards.
So I saw it again and chased it. I lost it around the corner, then it poked it’s head out from under a closet door, saw me, then retreated back into the closet. So I took some books and sealed the crack under the door and stacked more books on top of them. There’s a wall of books two by three feet in front of the door. He’s going nowhere.
Now, some of you I have a few OCD quirks and germs and things germy. I don’t like germs or things which carry germs or can make you sick. The Black Plague was carried by mice. Well, the fleas and ticks on mice carried them to people.
Which reminds me. Some time ago the roomies had a dog in the house. He’s dead now. But one day at work I felt something crawling along my leg. It was a brownish insect shaped like a teardrop with six legs and was the size of the confetti left over when you take a hole punch to paper. I scooped it into a plastic baggie left over from lunch and asked some co-workers what it was. No one knew.
When I got home, I showed the roomies who said it was a tick. How the hell do I get a tick on me I asked rhetorically? They said they found some on the dog and there were probably more around the house from the trip they took the week before. And they didn’t think of telling me. Fucktards.
So this bloodsucking tick was going to feast on me, possibly giving me some kind of disease. Oh, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, the Hanta Virus or the Black Plague. I was going to kill in a fit of rage worthy of a scene out of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn, but instead, I taped the sealed baggie to my dresser mirror.
Every day I would tap the baggie and say good morning. The tick, whom I named Spot, would wiggle it’s legs and try to escape, again. In fact, Spot never stopped moving. He was always trying to find a way to get out. Sometimes I would forget and not say good morning. This went on for like three months. I think I finally figured out that ticks live a long time without feeding.
So I took the bag off the mirror. Spot made some weak attempt to kill me through the plastic bag. I put the baggie in a plastic water bottle, but didn’t put the cap back on so he would have whatever air he was getting through the baggie. I gingerly placed the bottle in the trash where I’m sure he would be taken to the dump. The bottle was necessary because I didn’t want him to get crushed, but rather live out his days contemplating his choice to try to feed on me, possibly killing me, from beneath tons of trash.
Anyway, back to the mouse in the closet. The mouse, whom I’ve named General Custer, has been there for the last three days. I’m certain he can see light at the top of the door crack. He keeps jumping about trying to get out. The roomies got some rat traps, but they are too big. We’ve been talking about getting smaller traps to get him, but they have lost interest since I have him trapped. I really can't be bothered to go to the store.
Now, there’s nothing in the closet that anyone cares about. Maybe a mop, but we have another in the kitchen. So GC’s just chillin’ in the closet, except for the few seconds of terror he must feel immediately before he goes on a thrashing about spell.
At night he’s really loud with his thrashing. I guess it’s because I have left the light on in the hallway. I want him to contemplate what he was about to do to me with his Black Plague. I want him and his kind to think twice about invading my clean space.
I can hear him thrashing about now. All I can think in moments like these is, “It puts the lotion in the basket. It puts the lotion in the basket. Put the fucking lotion in the basket! . . .”You should be more like Cantrip.  Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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Rank: You're gonna stick that where?
Groups: {pDs} Member
Joined: 6/7/2006
Posts: 457
Points: 0
Location: In bed
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WTF? does black plague even exist anymore? stealth wrote:My favorite quote from that entire thing: "..Battles based on battles that actually occurred in Japanese history.. So here's this giant enemy crab.." 
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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: {pDs} Member
Joined: 6/8/2006
Posts: 1,525
Points: 9
Location: US
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Yes, it does exist, and yes there is a cure. As for the mouse, you are a sick fuck.
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Rank: Pooter Scooter
Groups: Registered User, Server Admin
Joined: 11/8/2006
Posts: 2,468
Points: 2,103
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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why the hell would you name it general custer, did it try to kill some indians without waiting for reinforcements? In an hour of Darkness a blind man is the best guide. In an age of Insanity look to the madman to lead the way. 
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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,491
Points: 1,346
Location: Parallel Universe
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Gunslinger wrote:why the hell would you name it general custer, did it try to kill some indians without waiting for reinforcements? No, it's going to make its last stand in the closet. I'm going to the store to get some traps. I'm going to bang on the door so it hides, open the door, toss in a couple of traps and close the door. Sooner or later it will land on one . . . But I think I'll wait until tonight. Just because I can. And because I'm going now to tell General Custer that he won't live to see the sun rise tomorrow . . . You should be more like Cantrip. Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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Rank: Jimmy Hat Jester
Groups: {pDs} Member, Server Admin
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 1,164
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Location: Dani California
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I could go on Google Image and search for a semi-funny animal cruelty macro, but I won't. Instead, I'll give you props for showing that parasite who's boss. We should chill...
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Rank: Pooter Scooter
Groups: Registered User, Server Admin
Joined: 11/8/2006
Posts: 2,468
Points: 2,103
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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are you gonna name the trap that kills it crazy horse? In an hour of Darkness a blind man is the best guide. In an age of Insanity look to the madman to lead the way.
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Rank: Administration
Groups: Registered User, Server Admin
Joined: 9/7/2006
Posts: 3,054
Points: 1,377
Location: Abbotsford British Columbia, Canada
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fyi, put the traps as close to the edges of the closet, right against the wall. mice usually always walk against the wall since they cant see very well in the dark. use this trump card well cause i dont give out many of them =0  ahhhh_crap wrote:no, splinter has ethics and whut has emotions
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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,491
Points: 1,346
Location: Parallel Universe
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Twitchy wrote:I could go on Google Image and search for a semi-funny animal cruelty macro, but I won't. Instead, I'll give you props for showing that parasite who's boss.
We should chill... I'll save you the trouble:  Notice the radio on the right side. It's playing rock music. A little trick I learned from the U.S. government when they invaded Panama to get General Noriega. This his how you treat bio-terrorists. Let this be a lesson to the world. Now, what did I do with my waterlogging mask . . . More later . . . You should be more like Cantrip. Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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Rank: Medium-Well
Groups: Registered User
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 2,411
Points: -2
Location: the bottom of the bottle...
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funny enough you should mention your hate of all things "germy"... such a hate and drive for cleanliness is actually counter productive. For example, the water supply around here recently has been contaminated with some bacteria or parasite called " cryptosporidium". anyway this causes some kind of gastric illness that in some extreme cases can prove fatal. now the thing is, apparently back in the good old days when men were men and so on, this bug was all in our system, and we were largely immune to it. it was only identified as an actual illness causing agnet in the 70s, when hygiene practices started improving...
I find it all very ironic.
yeah, i'm a cranky 'oul fucker. deal with it.
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Rank: Jimmy Hat Jester
Groups: Registered User
Joined: 11/4/2006
Posts: 665
Points: 21
Location: Los Angeles
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u all should buy BB guns or airsoft guns.....get like 4 guys take aim open the doors and let it rip! head shot!
or u can do the old mouse trap trick which is lame and when it gets rocked by the trap itll xplode blood and guts all over ur room
or u could just hire a pest control company to safely remove the mouse? but hey
why not trap it in ur closet and have it shit its intenstines all over Code:<a href="http://www.sloganizer.net/en/" target="_blank" title="Sloganizer - the slogan generator"><img src="http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Sloganizer,white,black.png" border="0" alt="generated by sloganizer.net" title="This slogan was generated by sloganizer.net"/></a>
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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
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Location: Parallel Universe
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Yeah, I could call an exterminator, but they would just lay down traps. They would be box traps and not the ones that make heads explode, but then I wouldn't be able to bring you pics like these:    You'll notice in the last pic just how much the eyes came out of the sockets. The trap came across his snout and crushed his skull. These are pics of Flatface. General Custer is still in the closet. The roomies caught this one. You should be more like Cantrip. Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: {pDs} Member
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 1,724
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Location: RVA
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tonyrwc1 wrote:
u all should buy BB guns or airsoft guns...
What are you, 12? Bike wrote:I like to make werewolf movies. 
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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: {pDs} Member
Joined: 6/8/2006
Posts: 1,525
Points: 9
Location: US
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lol. My uncle is an alchoholic with anger management problems liek the rest of my family, and one day while he was drunk and I was over he took out an air rifle he had from when he was my age. He pumped it up like 10 times n shot this mouse that was against the wall. Its guts sprayed in about a 7 inch radii and he had an inch hole in his side.
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Rank: Admiral OCD
Groups: {pDs} Member, Moderator, News Editor, Newsie
Joined: 5/9/2006
Posts: 3,491
Points: 1,346
Location: Parallel Universe
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Okay, so my fucktard roomies let me know that one of the rooms they occupy is full of dry food and they noticed sounds in the closet sometime after they pulled some stuff out of storage. So, either they left the sliding door open and they got in, or they came from the storage unit - either way they have had a feast on the dry food they keep in the closet. They've emptied out the closet of the food. Fucktards. Anyway, here' is yet another catch, we'll name him Breakneck, still in the trap. I'm spraying down the entire house with disinfectant. This pic is not of General Custer. I'll check on him in the morning.  You should be more like Cantrip. Twitchy: "I pulled a Cantrip . . ." GivePeaceAChance: "If the Tempest had nipples, I'd pinch that shit." Xylicon: "I'm about to deliver my [Richard] in your face for posting that stupid shit. " WDF?: "He keeps reaming me... night after night... I'm rather sore." GivePeaceAChance: "OMG MY NIPS ARE HARD" llenta: "cantrip, you fail!!!" Filliam H. Muffman: "i'm on top of dick"
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